From Java to Kuala Lumpa, Malaysia to Singapore and Singapore to London.  It's the end of the road... for now!

Mountain of a Thousand Images

After a serious outbreak of food poisoning in Bali I managed to lift my head out of the loo for long enough to fly with the dubious 'Lion Air' to Yogyakarta in Java.  I clung onto Caines arm for most of the journey as it felt like the pilot was trained to fly a Russian MIG 21 Fighter Jet and i'm sure at one point our McDonald Douglas 82 flew upside down.

We've spent a lot of time reading and relaxing by the pool in Yogya until I suddenly remember that I have no job and leg it to the internet cafe to check my mail and apply thrice more to the same schools that actually don't care they have no staff for January.  Today we took a bus, hit our way through many people selling spinning tops and wooden spoons and climbed into the clouds to see Borobudur, Java's most unique and striking Buddhist monument, it is strangley beautiful and haunting.  Many small school children begged us to have our pictures taken with them as though we were minor celebrities out of NOW  magazine. There is very little Christmas Spirit in Yogya so we spent Christmas Eve Babe, in the drunk tank with a few expats with dipsomania humming Auld Land Syne to themselves and i don't think it was Cliff Richard version, "You scumbag, you maggot, you cheap lousy faggot, Happy Christmas your arse, I pray God it’s our last!"

Tomorrow we fly over the mountains the beach and the sea, over the friends that we've known and those that we now know and those who we've yet to meet to Kuala Lumpur in Malaysia "truly Asia" as our VISA for Indonesia has run out and they can not, will not, shall not renew it.  Anyway, to both our families - We Wish You a Very Merry Christmas and hope that you're all enjoying la Queens Speech!

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

 Me and la fearless monkey                    Taking a stroll through the rice paddies

   The monsoon rains come                                        Kecak Dance

We've hung up our speedos, thrown away our bucket and spades and taken a bus into the interior of Bali.  The pace of life in Kuta with all its clubs and cabarets has worn us out so we're now relaxing with non-alcoholic cocktails and a good book in Ubud.  I will spend the next few days hiding under a banana tree beating myself with an aloe vera leaf as my skin is very burnt peeling and bleeding from all the scorching sun, sea and sand. 

Our apartment overlooks a small river and the jungle and is by far the best place we have stayed throughout our whole trip.  There are many deathly mosquitos knocking about here but thankfully we still haven't run out of the vast supplies of anti-mozzie spray that Mary bought for her two week vacation in South Africa.    It is an extremely cultural place here with coffee shops, art galleries and many gamelan and Balinese dance performances of joy.  We went for a walk earlier and I was attacked by a very cheeky monkey who was after my banana, he jumped on my head as I was posing for the camera and wouldn't let go.  Caine got a hilarious shot out of it but I was very annoyed as it well messed up my barnet.

M Spa: Caines present to me!

Bali is tres famous for its swanky Spas of abundant joy so Caine booked me into the one pictured above for my 27th Birthday.  It was even more thrilling than the picture suggests.  I had a Indonesian massage followed by a Balinese Honey Body mask darling!  I left feeling 20 years younger and a little breathless.  Indonesia has revived us both and we now feel refreshed and very happy to be away from the winterous little Britain once more as we soak in the sun and dislocate our shoulders in the ten foot waves of extreme power.

This is the land of 'I am what I am" and around each corner are bars full of dancing and miming drag queens dazzling their audiences with outfits more spectacular than Cher, dance routines more energetic than S Club 7 and wigs bigger than Sir Elton John.  Caine's foot taps a little too hard to the music and I fear I may find him donning the stillettos and slapping on the lippy before we leave.  I still haven't got a job for when I return to Londonia so I'm learning the whole lip sync thing just incase.  The 2nd Bali bombing last month has once again put a huge dent in Bali's tourism industry and there are not many tourists around here now, which makes the place even more relaxing and friendly.

   or      +  

After much thought we've had a change of planet!  Although Sri Lanka is a very beautiful island we needed to end the trip with more of a bang so diverted to one of our all time favourite places Indonesia.   Sri Lanka's appeal to the SAGA contingent means we've plenty of time yet.  Our plan is to get the ferry to a small island off Singapore called Batam and then head to Bali and Jogjakarta.  Sleigh Bells are truly ringing throughout Singapore, there are huge displays and Christmas trees everywhere, snowmen who chase you through the busy streets and Slade booming out of every pub, it is all very strange - the air even smells of turkey, cranberry sauce and gravy.  How will they keep up the momentum till the big day (which most people dont celebrate anyway).  No doubt the main aim of filling the tills at M&S will be achieved - especially as shopping is 24 hours a day for the festive season. 

"so we'll have fun fun fun
'Til our daddy takes the T-Bird away!"

"Tank fly boss walk jam nitty gritty, you're listening to the boy from the big bad city, this is jam hot"

I have finally left the Big Bad City of Bombay and the journey wasn't too bad despite the 5am airport arrival time and 3hr delayed train.  I managed to sleep and slobber all the way and finally arrived 17hrs later.  The heat, dirt, dust, taxi horns, near collisions, rats, people injecting heroin outside my hotel every day asking if I'd like to score some, the many people who came to me each day for money, medicine or food and who dragged themselves through the littered streets on skateboards as they only one leg that works and no arms and then sleep in families on the streets are all behind me now.  However, this lamenting fool can leave.

An unshaven, filthy bundle of horrendousness arrived in a lush green beautiful oasis called Cochin.  Caine walked into the train station looking like a bronzed God advertising Daz, all clean white vest and sparkling tan.  He walked straight past the strange creature on the floor until he heard a faint broken 'Caine, help me'.  He picked him up, put him in the taxi and showered him down to reveal Nathan P Harrow BMus(hons).

It is so calm and peaceful here, a picture of India that I never dreamed existed. There are friendly fishermen with huge nets they drop into the sea on huge wooden frames, they sell you baby sharks, huge king sized prawns and other strange fish for you to cook in the local restaurant opposite, village greens where people play cricket and football, calm cobbled streets with small cafes selling artwork, brass bands martching down the street playing 'Oh When the Saints go Marching In'! and many French tourists (my favourite!).  I think I'm going to like it here but I will miss many things about Bombay especially the amazing friends I made who I will always respect and admire, from these few humble people I have learnt so much.

Huge Congratulations!

While I was sunning myself in the Ghanaian town of Cape Coast many moons ago and scorching myself in Ouagadougou, Caine was working hard for his MA in Education and International Development.  He found out today that he recieved an 'A' for his dissertation which therefore means that he has recieved an overall Distinction for his MA EID.  Well Done x

Although we've travelled far and wide by this point our fellow Brits have been a pretty rare encounter and it would be easy to think Israel was the most populous country on Earth (barring any plans Iran might have) based on who we've met.  The beginning of the "Winter Sun" charter season on the 1st of November was to change all that.  The economic lifeline of flights to Gatwick and Manchester reopened as the yellow jacketed tour reps whisked their clients past the rubbish dumps apologising for the leprosy and malaria shuttling their clients to their purpose built resorts.  The small village of Baga which is still a fishing port underwent a sudden transformation into the Aiya Napa of the East.  It's not just young people though and the easy listening night with Barry from Wakefield on the Casio keyboard was just as popular as the Trance bar playing a Techno version of Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers' duet "Islands in the Stream". 

You might have thought that the death knell of the package industry was sounded years ago when Stelios launched Easyjet and people started buying gites in France.  Not so, turn back the clock through caffee latte and internet shopping past the Lambada and a Cinzano and lemonade and you reach Goa.  Trinny and Suzannah are yet 15 years in the future and stillettos tread the mud paths between stray cows as tatooed bodies which make the Beckhams look sophisticated squeeze by. 

All this of course perplexes the Indians slightly who, as former colonial subjects, are more at home with the image of an Englishman as a gentleman.  The topless bathers are not an unwelcome sight to holidaying men from Mumbai, though the girls barely notice the circuits of guys walking backwards and forwards to oggle their wares.  The odd cafe still advertises "Tiffin" in the window which is no doubt lost on the current visitors who opt instead for a crate of Kingfisher and a vindaloo (mild of course). 

OK, so it wasn't quite this bad Mary!

This morning I (Nathaniel) was involved in a car crash, I knew it would happen one day because the taxi drivers belt around the streets of Mumbai like formula one drivers on speed, the traffic is crazy here.  I am fine, just a very sore neck.  All 6ft4" doesn't quite fit into the small taxis of insufficient room so as we skidded and hit the car coming towards us I jolted forward which caused my head wedge on the roof of the car thus stopping me from shooting out of the window Eddy la Eagle Edwards style.  The driver just laughed and kissed his dashboard Hindu Shrine three times but the man who he crashed into got really irrate (his bonnet was smoking) and starting trying to hit him through the window.

This is the least of my worries however as when I got out of the taxi a cyclist carrying a bunch of live chickens in both hands swerved to avoid the collision, fell off his bike and let about five chickens fly straight into my face, not really helping with the whole neck injury and maybe giving me the H5N1 strain of bird flu...

Today is the Hindu festival of Diwali (The Festival of Light). The whole of Mumbai is covered in millions of lanterns and lights and looks very glam.  Mumbai is on high alert after the bombings in Delhi, so the huge explosions of fireworks and firecrackers set off by kids in the streets are not the most reasurring of sounds and make me duck for cover each time.  Mumbai is quite a cool place to be though and there is so much to do here, the people are really friendly.  Last night I strolled down Chowpatty Beach and had a massage by a malish-wallah as I looked up to the stars and listened to the roaring ocean.  This is 'kinda' the life!

Jeanette and Dougy

The longer I stayed in Bombay the more it reminded me of London.  The British had certainly designed it that way and had built the buildings they would never have got planning permission for in England.  Think St Pancras station but even bigger and more ornate.  The city attracts the desperate from rural areas who sleep on the streets in their thousands whilst at the same time a new middle class is appearing on the back of the boom in call centres and outsourcing.  We met a guy who was a supervisor for M&S credit card which pays around 35 pounds a week - a good salary in Bombay but easy to see the temptation for M&S to jump from the UK. 

Goa is a complete change of pace.  Although about 600km from Bombay it feels like another country and some of the package tourists seem to think it is.  The charters have not arrived yet as the season starts in two weeks time but a few long stay Brits are here.  An Indian who had travelled widely explained to me in that sometimes pompous way that Indians talk about other people that these people are 'outcasts' in the UK so they come to Goa where they can be socially accepted.  I explained that the class system in England was not quite so harsh.  Really it's just Jeanette and Dougie after cheap beer and fags and a lobster like tan.  Sadly the locals cater very closely to their every whim by renaming their shop "Del Boy's" 

Indian tourists do not always behave themselves either though.  The liberal atmosphere in Goa is too much for many for whom often it is the first time they have seen the sea or drunk so much beer.  The combination results in around 50 drownings a year since they are often poor swimmers and the sea is rough.   For all this Goa is a delightful place.  The pace is slow and the locals are very friendly and much more relaxed than in the big cities.  The coast is a tropical fringe of beaches and palm trees and its only 15 minutes walk to a deserted spot.  There are a few mosquitoes of course but the Goan fish curries keep them away if you eat enough. 

My taxi, with the yellow roof!

I am now all alone in this modern day Pompeii 'Bombay ' for a month.  Caine has flown to the paradise like beaches of Goa and I'm stuck here doing my computer course which is tres hard but I can now draw Mickey with nothing but a mouse - hurrah!  As we spent so much money fleeing Tibet we are now budgeting so when I was at college today Caine managed to move me into a single room for only half the price before he left.  The fact that it is the size of a childs shoebox, has no window and smells of rabbits must have escaped his attention...

Other than getting my tongue stuck in a Tic-Tac box riding dans la taxi, I am fine and India is growing on me.  Maybe I even like it a bit...The incessant beeping of taxis, trucks, buses and wagons has thankfully caused temporary deafness in both ears,  I no longer feel the need to polevault over the roads but can now step into and around the chaos.  I have made friends with a 'fashion and dance choreographer' who said he'll show me around and teach me a Bollywood dance from start to finish and how to saunter down the catwalk.  All these things can of course be added to my CV.  The 'Asian Film Fetival' is on at the moment so have been busy watching Iranian, Tajikistani, Japanese and Chinese films.  The cinemas here are very flash and all food from outside is siezed before you enter the theatre, so no Revels but I do love standing up at the beginning for the Indian National Anthem, however I can't imagine the kids of Streatham Odeon doing this for good old !

Whilst leapfrogging down the streets of Bombay me, myself and Caine were approached by a casting agent for Bollywood.  He asked us if we'd like to be extras for a new Bollywood film they are producing at the moment. In the Indian Daily it did say that "Bollywood Needs More Sexy Men".   Unfortunately I start college here tomorrow and Caine is moving on to a more beachy and quiet place but it's nice to be asked in'it!